| (no subject) |
[Apr. 30th, 2007|03:58 pm] |
It has been a difficult and long process, but my site (with a blog) will be up and running in just a few weeks.
It you would like further updates and information please join the mailing list or e-mail me directly.
www.StephanieFanning.com |
|
|
| Fashion Questionaire |
[Mar. 17th, 2006|05:14 pm] |
I want to learn a little bit about your style! I've been doing fashion designing and sewing, as well as reconstruction of clothing and accessories and I want to know what you are looking and what you like to wear.
Thanks in advance for answering!
---
Describe your style
List 5 of your favorite items of clothing
List 5 of your favorite accessories
What 1 item of clothing or accessory would you buy...
If you were given $100
If you were given $500
If you were given $1000
What item of clothing or accessory are currently looking for that you can't seem to find anywhere?
What fashion trends do you wish would just go away?
What fashion trends do you wish would come back?
What 3-5 colors are the majority of your clothing?
What colors would you never wear?
What is your favorite type of fabric to wear?
What are your favorite stores?
What are you favorite on-line fashion sites?
What are your favorite fashion magazines?
Where do you get your fashion inspiration?
Who is your personal fashion icon?
Who are your favorite designers?
If you don't feel uncomfortable telling...
What sizes (shoes, pants, shirts, dress) do you wear?
If I missed something, please feel free to elaborate on your fashion ideals!
xoxo! |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Feb. 10th, 2006|02:26 pm] |
This past week I finished these 2 bracelets. The top one I've been wearing and the bottom one I sent to Brad's mom as a gift (it was her birthday.)
I have been on a search for a digital SLR camera. Since I don't have access to a darkroom right now I'm planning on switching to digital until I do. I was disappointed to find out that Minolta went out of business. I have a Minolta Maxxum SLR and I absolutely love it, but since it is no longer available I won't be getting a digital Minolta. I've narrowed my options down to - Canon Rebel XT, Olympus Evolt E-500, or Nikon D50. The Olympus comes with 2 lenses, but the Canon and Nikon have more options for add-ons. The Canon felt more comfortable in my hands. The Nikon felt heavy and bulky. Those two are on the top of my list and they are very comparable. That makes it hard to decide which one I prefer. I still have to save more money to buy it, so, I have time to decide. At least when I am able to buy it I will be able to sell prints again. I do miss printing my own ... it is half the fun of photography.
Soon, I'll be putting together a few portfolios. I used to hate the idea of compiling my art work, etc., but I'm actually looking forward to it. My business cards should be ready soon, and then my website should be up and running. I'll be working on that.
I have been planning a lot of other things, so, who knows what I'll come out with next.
xoxo! |
|
|
| Friends Only |
[Feb. 9th, 2006|11:07 pm] |
My journal is friends only, please ask if you want me to add you, but I may decline if you are a friend of certain people.
xoxo! |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2005|03:32 pm] |
For the past few weeks I've been pretty much stuck in bed with one ailment or another. Specifically I've had a stiff neck, and the prescribed muscle relaxers haven't helped at all. Since I've had a lot of time on my hands I've been crocheting christmas gifts. I made a scarf and cloche set for my mom, but I still need to bead it. I'm working on an Afghan for Brad's parents and it has been taking me forever to finish. I also want to make other things to sell, I'm hoping to get some more specialty orders from people who want gifts for their family and friends.
( pictures )
I recently designed my own business card and it is currently being made. I'm very excited to see how it comes out and to actually have something to give people if they want my contact information etc. Now, maybe, I'll seem a bit more professional.
We'll see. |
|
|
| 4 months ago I never thought it would end |
[Aug. 27th, 2003|11:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Ray Charles: "I Got a Woman" | ] |
It is August already ... and it wasn't as eventful as I had anticipated it to be. However, a few things happened, some disappointing and some pleasant.
My trip to Maryland and Washington, DC was probably one of the dullest and most painful vacations I've ever been a part of. The best part of it was probably the flight home and I'm not exactly overly thrilled with the concept of flying. The whole trip just seemed to be one disaster after another. We almost missed our flight there because someone directed us to the wrong gate. Then our luggage was put on a later plane, which meant we had to spend an extra two hours at the airport waiting for it. The luxury car Frank arranged turned out to be a Jeep, which wasn't what he was expecting. When we got to the hotel they had informed us that they cancelled our reservations for other guests, so they had to downgrade our room and we had to wait 3 hours for it. By that time it was too late to do anything so we walked around Inner Harbor, which is an overrated tourist attraction with far too many people and restaurants. The harbor water was quite pretty at night, but the water taxi was sooo slow and the driver was an idiot and kept crashing into things. We ended up walking too far away from the harbor and wound up semi lost in a Mexican ghetto with lots of furniture on the sidewalk with signs proclaiming "FREE." Frank gave a cigarette and some money to this homeless guy so we talked to him for a few minutes before going into a store. He was telling us about his heart surgery and proceeded to lift up his shirt and show his huge scars while explaining how they had to pry open his ribcage to transplant a new heart because his wasn't doing a great job due to his previous coke habit. He was such a nice guy. God bless him. From walking around without sun block on I got sun poisoning along with the usual bad sunburn that got rather swollen. We also ended up going to the Smithsonian Institute of Air and Space and Art and Technology. Neither museum was all that interesting, but I liked the Art and Technology one the best out of the two because its Scottish Crafts exhibit. I always wanted to know all about plaids and strange lawn games that involve throwing large cabers. I then went in search for some decent clothing stores and all I came across was Betsey Johnson. The clothing was absolutely disappointing; who wears polyester in the summer? The girls there were sooo cute though. I wanted to take one home with me and show he some real places to shop at since we got into a lengthy conversation about my style, vintage clothes and DC's church sales with bins filled with clothes with moth balls. We then attempted to walk around parts of DC, but stormy weather prevailed. Considering it was pouring and lightning out we decided to go back to MD, but got lost in Virginia, somehow. When we got home I was glad to be back just because I was sick of not being around my own personal belongings and being stuck in a city with people that had mullets and horrible accents. Although, the last day we were there we went to West Baltimore and I met 2 nice people who owned a store there and it was cool to finally see something outside of a sea of Yankees hats (the Yankees were in Baltimore that week). Each time I visit another city, it just makes me love Boston more.
Onto some better happenings ... Brad came back to Boston last Wednesday and we spent till Friday together. It was really nice to see him and spend time with him again. The more I get to know him the more I realize how much I enjoy and adore him. I think he is a much nicer and more sympathetic person than I am, but he can definitely keep up with me when belittling others, which is a plus. We went to the Sex Pistols show and came to the revelation that Johnny Rotten is a suppressed homosexual. Dropkick Murphy’s played and they were okay. The sound quality was terrible though. The Reverend Horton Heat, I thought, was the best out of the three bands. They should have been able to play longer though.
Other than that I've just been basically preparing myself for school. I started shopping on Sunday, now I'm basically trying to get it all together by early this weekend so I can have some extra time for myself. My mom gave me a floor shelf for my room and since I recently rediscovered my lost love for painting I've been feeling somewhat dissatisfied that I'll be attending an all women's catholic school for the 8th year. I wonder how I came to the decision of Regis as my college of choice. Then I wish I had gone to Mass Art. At least then I wouldn't have to pick some meaningless professional major that will earn me less than 30,000 a year if I pursue it as a career. I wish I had been more confident and felt adequate enough to risk my time, money, energy into something I enjoy and that others seem to think I have talent in. I am disconcerted at the fact that I decided to play it safe and stick to what I know. Maybe I'm better off though. I know that Regis will assist me in my mental and spiritual growth through its community and that's something that I should try to invite open-mindedly. There is always grad school if I still feel totally unfulfilled. |
|
|
| I'll act contrite and pretend it's all right |
[Aug. 4th, 2003|12:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
I reread what I wrote last night and it seemed kind of harsh. I guess I'm just bitter and disgruntled. I have this tendency to blame myself for everything or use other people as a scapegoat and put them at fault. When realistically sometimes, I guess, neither of us are quite responsible. I had a few different people in mind when writing that, but I guess that doesn't matter. Some I haven't spoken to in years, others in months. Some I don't even miss or want around, but some piece of me wants them to miss me. I guess I valued their respect and opinion too much. I just want to know I mean/t something. I guess it's a little obscure to think how much I value myself from others perspective, but sometimes that's the only thing you have when you don't have a postive one of yourself. Always playing the confident one, even though it's just a facade. I guess I'm learning that I'm losing confidence in others, the people I thought I was close to. Now this is where I intervene and stop talking about my antipathy and self discovery. The good friends I do have I appreciate very much. I'm truly grateful and blessed for the ones who take time out of their busy lives to listen to me complain and just give me the ability to be myself around them. Even the ones I don't really associate with much anymore, I treasure the memories and the way they have all played a part in making me an overall better person. I also cherish and admire Brad very much and thank God everyday that he's in my life. He's been nothing but benevolent towards me and that's more than I could ever ask for.
On a side note, I'm tired of recapping my weekly or sometimes monthly, depends on how often I update, events of work, strange people I encounter and summer monotony. August will be a busy moth so maybe if something interesting or new happens I'll update. Until then... |
|
|
| trivial venting prose |
[Aug. 4th, 2003|02:29 am] |
|
A part of me wants to feel bad for them and how they take pity in their own lives, yet never question any one else's. How they casually mention they'll always be there; they'll always care. Wishing they had more time, they'd always miss the friends they never see. Never having enough energy to make an effort, "Why even bother?" Then there's the part that, for once, feels bad for myself. Somehow I feel like some of my friends don't notice or care. I usually don't mind. It's water under the bridge. I'm sure the unsent birthday cards are piled up in shoeboxes that are securely under your bed. I can continue to go on as though it doesn't phase me because I can't say I was the wrong one. I always wanted to play the role of the thoughtful friend and mean it when I said I'd always be there. I'm still willing, just waiting. I would never turn my back on them like they have to me. If an apology is in order I'd say sorry a million different ways just to have a friend who meant more to me than casual exchanges at a show or on-line. I could only hope they'd want the same. |
|
|
| A walking time bomb, set to kill |
[Jul. 26th, 2003|12:57 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
I've been thinking about updating for awhile now, but couldn't will myself to do so. Not much really has been going on this month and I'm actually quite shocked that next week will be August .. already. Then I'll be back in school and living at school, something I thought I'd never do. I'm looking forward to it, but I enjoy the freedom of summer. I do have work, but it is not the same kind of commitment as school is. I haven't even been to work but 2 days in the past 2 weeks. I'll be back on my regular schedule come Monday though. I guess I just needed some time away from the constant flood of papers, data entries, counting icons on prints and phone calls, "Goooooood Afternoon, Sonet Electrical, How may I help you? ...And may I please ask who is calling? ...Hold please." It's not a bad job, but I wouldn't want to do it for the rest of my life. The college professor/writer/accountant renaissance lady is actually expecting me to work part time when school starts. Apparently she thinks I can come in once or twice a week to do a few tasks, but I dont know how that would work out.
Outside of work I've just been trying to keep busy, which isn't always too successful. I've again been starting to sew again. My mom is teaching me how to do more complicated things other than alterations and basic skirts. I enjoy wasting my time doing "creative things." I just wish that there was more of a job market for that type of career path. Who am I kidding? I'll be in school forever at this rate.. I don't have a plan yet, should I? I doubt it, but I just wish I had some idea about the future, even the near future .. the next week for instance. It's tough going through life as though you are almost guessing and are surprised by each outcome.
I went to Darkbuster's reunion show a few weeks back, something I had been waiting 2 long years for and it was everything I had anticipated. When I interviewed Mike for my Creative Writing class I had asked him how they started and he said how it was all a joke ... They made "22 songs..." as a joke to basically make fun of all the punk bands who take it way too seriously and in a way you can tell, but that adds so much more to it because they are having such a great time. They never would have thought that they'd have such a large group of fans especially even after the 2 year hiatus. It was a pretty good turn out and I'm glad to see they will be playing some more shows soon too.
Last weekend I spent in NY. We saw the musical Chicago, which was good, but .... the costumes were WAY off. There were no thongs in the 1920's, yet a few of the characters were sporting them. I didn't really expect them to show as much skin as they did. Melanie Griffith was somewhat disappointing. I don't really enjoy her much as an actress anyways. Other than the play we went to The Comic Strip Live and The Comedy Cellar to see some Comedians, which was raunchy, vulgar and SO funny! A lot of sex jokes, everything I like about comedy. Of course, we also just walked around, ate and went shopping. It was fun, but I really missed home and Boston. I was glad to be back.
On a side note, I cleaned my room the other day and decided to finally organize my nightstand drawer and cabinet. I found a lot of cards in there. Some made me smile and cry at the same time, like the index cards from Senior retreat that Alex and Bridget wrote. The words made me miss them and high school all over again, even though I hated it while I was there. It made me miss homeroom every Monday morning when we'd come in and share with each other what we did over the weekend. That's when bridget would tell us about her fight and ultimate break-up with pat, which was usually mended by Wednesday. I miss the looking at tattoo magazines during English class while everyone else was reading some old literature and going to the Computer lab instead of to Gym class or Chemistry because Mr G loved us .. probably in a sexual way. Then I found some cards from Sr. Nanine saying how proud she was about me winning an art award and that made me miss her because she was always so open about everything. It made me miss sitting in art class being forced to watch those horrible tapes on different artists because otherwise I probably wouldn't have paid much attention to where art came from and if it weren't for that 1 or 2 hours a day I never would have thought of myself as talented in any way. Some of those cards made me feel good about the person I was, the person I am, and the friend I can be. Then I found another from someone I no longer talk to and that made me doubt myself. I forget the circumstances for why I don't associate myself with her anymore, but I felt as though it was my fault at the moment I read the card, again because it gave praise to how "good of a friend" I am/was. I just felt like I never was much of one or could never measure up to what people expect. I try my best, but never does that feel enough. I also found 2 fortunes from the chinese food cookies...
Unfortunatly, I don't know anyone who does Karaoke. |
|
|
| "The only thing that is good frozen is Italian ice, and even that sucks" |
[Jun. 15th, 2003|12:40 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  mellow | ] |
This week was so busy that I couldn't even find the time to come on-line. I only really did to check my mail and my obsessive 30+ times a day check became only checking it once when I woke up before work. I woked a total of 25 hours, which seemed like far too much time spent in that office. If I were not the crude smutty type that I am self-proclaimed as being, I think that I might have a growing lawsuit. There's the guy who works downstairs on the loading dock who always comes up and compliments me saying how he'll get the secretary fired so they can replace her with me so he'll have something new and good to look at. He's the creepy, funny type; an older jewish guy who reads dante's inferno in his spare time and majored in chemistry in college. Strange how he ended up doing what he does now. Then there is the secretary who is this vegan girl who leaves the cheese on pizza when she's mad. She goes out to bars all the time and comes in with interesting stories the next day that she can't quite get through without laughing manically. She "dates" a lot. She has this girl who is a "friend" .. but she's not sure because she's "confused." She also has a 21-year-old guy (she's 28) that she uses for sex. She skips around a lot and says random things all the time acting as though she is 10. Also, she claims she's completely insane .. having bipolar and ADD as well as a whole host of things. I believe the ADD part considering she never does any work, besides answering the phones. Instead, she sits there looking on the web. Then there's the accountant lady. She is a professor at a local college, a writer and a painter. She likes Michael Moore, which makes me think very lowly of her. She also likes to inform me of her sex life ... how she "gets cloudy headed when she doesn't get sex every night" and also of her step-son's sex life, who apparently is "pussy whipped" by a 300lbs woman who is getting her phd in psychology. Then another guy is always whistling at me and telling me to meet him in his office, while telling other's that we have a "thing" on the side. I told him I prefer weekend unprotected orgies and he tried to invite himself. He's a good guy and everything, but I find it hard to play along with his caliber of sexual content. No one else really goes over the line, which is good because by Friday I have just about heard enough. I never thought I'd get sick of speaking about filthy things, but alas there is a point where it just gets boring.
So, every day after work I've been out busy either running errands or hanging out with different people. It has been fun, but really exhausting. I was glad when the weekend came, but even then I had stuff planned .. at least I did get to sleep more and didn't have to work.
Friday I went to a show. Lenny and the Piss Poor Boys went on first and they got so much better. They even have new songs and everything. I talked to Lenny for a bit and he is in barber school right now and working at an old-fashioned barber shop in Quincy. During their set, I was walking past the bar from the bathroom and I bumped into this guy and I turned to apologize, I said, "excuse me" while glancing up and then continued to walk. Then it clicked in my head that I knew the guy I bumped into I turned around and it was Sal. I haven't seen him in such a long time. I waved and he followed me and we caught up in between the sets. Then the Konks came on ... ok .. worst set .. band EVER. They don't even have a drummer, they have a drum that is held up by milk crates. The singer "plays" the drum. The guitarist looks like he should be playing pink floyd. The bassist was kind of attractive, but looking at him for 30 minutes got mundane. They were all so into it as though it was the best music they've ever heard, they were proud to be playing it. It was horrible, I wanted to grad the guys drumstick and stab them all with it. They had this song that went, "God/Guy said "woah motherfucker" woah woah woah ...." We discussed it and came to the conclusion that he was in fact saying God .. that disappointed me. The Alphabet Bombers never showed up. I really wanted to see them too so that wasn't too cool of them. Then The Kings of Nuthin' came on and played really well aside from the horrible sound quality. They played some new songs off of the CD they are recording now, which was a nice surprise. It is always good to hear new stuff. Apparently axis' club night was not on for friday night so all these people were there stumbling around and looking like really out of place eurotrash. There was also a moshpit involving a few people and a girl got a beer bottle thrown at her. Not my idea of fun. It was a good show though. I'm not too fond of the fact that every show I go to I always see the same people though .. either they are in a band .. or are groupies of the bands.
Today I traded in my Crown Vic for a new Cadillac, women who have cadillacs don't need a man. It is a pearly white .. really nice, but I'm scared to death to drive it because I fear I'll ruin it. Later I went to my cousin Jenn's graduation party and saw a lot of family members I haven't seen in quite some time. A few people didn't recognize me and thought that my hair was fake "extensions." Everyone also reminded me how old and grown up I look... I miss being 5. They asked about school and all of that nonsense and it was actually a boring gathering. However, Jenn's brother came later with his friends and they were all high, so that was entertaining to watch. When I was leaving I got to meet her boyfriend and his friend's .. they were all from Ireland with cute accents. So much for "highlights of the night." I probably didn't stay long enough to see the really good drunken orgies. Ohhh how I need one of those right now.
Now, I'll go focus my attention on Brad since I haven't talked to him all week and I missed him terribly. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jun. 2nd, 2003|11:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Trip Daddys: "As Long as It Rocks" | ] |
Today I went to work and the program I have been doing data entry in was down so half the day was relatively relaxing. Then someone broke out some prints for a job that they needed to price by Wednesday. Since I have done a few prints before I was given that to do for the rest of the afternoon. I didn't get to leave until 5pm ... it was such a long day, especially after only 4 hours of sleep. In work one of Frank's partners came in to tell us that his neighbor, that lived 2 doors down, committed suicide on Friday. She was a 43-year-old single doctor. She didn't go to work that day, wrote herself a prescription and killed herself. Her best friend noticed she wasn't in work, so suspiciously she went over to her house and found her dead. I hate to hear stories like that. It seems like that office encounters suicide a lot. Last summer Frank's other partner, Brian, had his current girlfriend's ex-husband missing. He went to work, cleaned out his desk, walked to his car with a co-worker and just as they were about to get into their cars he said that he left something in the office and that he had to go get it. He called up Brian's girlfriend, told her to pick up their kids from school and hung up on her. Some people found his remains in November/December hanging from a tree a few miles away from his office. Now, in September some time back this young kid pulled his car over, got out, and jumped off of the overpass of 93 and landed right in the "concrete backyard" of Frank's office. Apparently some random guy saw it and ran to the office, Frank and some of the other employees went to try to help, but he was dead. It was all so random. Persons who have a seemingly okay life jumping off of a bridge, overdosing or hanging themself. I want to pray for them and I do because I know the feeling, but ... they chose it and it's what they wanted, I suppose in the mind set they were in. I more so sympathize with the people who have to carry on the pain; the ones who were left behind to live without their son, aunt, father, etc. It's really unfortunate that things work out that way sometimes and it's not "for the better."
I didn't intend to write about all of that, but now that I've gotten off of the subject I don't really know where I wanted this to go. I could write about how last night I came to the realization that I have been a very selfish person or maybe, that is just how I feel. Sure I've made selfless acts, helped people, put others and their feelings before my own, but I still feel this part of me has always been this spoiled girl who usually has always gotten what she has wanted. Maybe I'm beginning to realize that some things I can't have and it's out of my control. I'm not too comfortable with that fact. In a way, I sympathize with all of the people who I've let down and with the people who I walked away from and dismissed. I never meant it as a way of implying that I was/am elite because I am not, by far. Maybe it worked out the way it should have, I could say. I just feel bad that maybe I didn't give everyone I've ever met a fair opportunity. Could have been due to some hurtful past experiences with friendships I've had or some lingering feeling of disappointment by people, but I won't make up excuses because they aren't beneficial. I don't know how I ended up here. For some reason I tend to think this whole written thing sounds all too morbid and dissatisfied, but that isn't really fully accurate with how I'm doing or feeling because I'm doing quite fine. Let's just refer to this as some arbitrary late night tangent. Too bad I'm not drunk though... I could blame so much on the influence of alcohol.
Maybe some time I'll actually update about what I've been doing, which hasn't been much really. Hopefully something entertaining will formulate within the next few weeks .. months. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 23rd, 2003|01:41 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exanimate | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Belmont Playboys: "Paralyzed" | ] |
 |
|
|
| this is blue-collar rock |
[May. 19th, 2003|02:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pleased | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Stateline 55: "Laura Lee" | ] |
My start of summer break (the first week) was both boring and painful. My main plan was just to use the time to relax and enjoy the time off, but that got old after a day of sleeping. By Friday I was honestly tired of summer and of having it off. I had wasted the week away by getting lost in RI and western MA, shopping, playing tennis, attempting to organize my room, selling things on ebay and various other things I do during my free time while I'm in school. Friday I was out and remembered that there was a show at TT's, so I drove to Cambridge, parked in the sketchy lot near Manray, saw a few creepy guys in leather pants and waited in line. During this time I realized I didn't have my ID, I apparently left it at home somewhere. Since 2 weeks ago I went to a show at TT's and the guy didn't even card me I figured I'd be able to get in unnoticed. I was wrong. The one time I forget my ID a lady in her mid-50's is at the door carding everyone, even the people who were balding and had wrinkles and obviously looked like they were in their 30's. So I left and spent a whole dollar on parking. Friday night I didn't sleep. My sleeping schedule of going to bed at 5am and waking up at 2pm has been replaced with a the typical working class schedule. Now I have to wake up at 7am. I started work today and so far it's been simple. I answer the phone .. I'm pretty sure a 5-year-old could replace me. For today, I'm using the front office, but the accountant said that they should stick me in a room with a phone and that I should bring a book to read or art supplies. Who mentioned doing constructive things while answering phones, working? I figured I'd just waste my time on the internet all day. If I really wanted to read a book, draw or write I would do that at home. I should be paid to browse the internet, talk to people on aim, etc. That's the point of having an office with internet access. If I'm stuck in a room with just a phone I think that would make this job very pointless, well for me anyways. I don't think this job is an accurate view of the real world work field. I like it that way. I'm sure that once I get a hang of the phone system they'll add to my work load a bit, but for now ..... it's a low stress job. |
|
|
| thoughts on relationships. |
[May. 9th, 2003|09:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Haloes: "Poison Rose" | ] |
For one of my writing assignments I was trying to come up with a one word that meant being more than friends with someone, but not actually in a committed relationship yet. I asked around and, of course, I got answers such as “friends with benefits AKA fuck buddies.” I couldn’t’ exactly use that in my assignment, but even if I could it really wasn’t at all what I was looking for. I was looking for a word that meant there’s potential for a relationship, the two people might as well be labeled a couple because they exemplify everything a “couple” does. However, there’s some awkwardness, some doubt, something that hasn’t yet clicked for them to start officially calling each other their “girlfriend” or “boyfriend.” So, now I’ve been thinking about relationships, since everyone I know is involved in one form or another. There are the ones with the stable relationship. They’ve been together for months or years and plan to stay with each other. At our age will this ultimately lead to marriage? Some say, “Yes” some say, “Definitely not” and others are unsure. In some cases… I’m sure it might turn out that way, but in others… probably not. As long as they are happy in the moment, it is easy to forget about the future as though it doesn’t really exist. These couples are in love with each other, falling in love with each other or just “really like each other.” In whichever circumstance it is they are devoting their time and themselves into each other. In one sense that seems really risky, but also… it seems heartening. Those people are lucky to be in that experience and to have the ability to look beyond their own self-fulfillment every once in awhile in order to meet someone else’s needs. Then there are the “half relationships.” Two people, who go out together, do all the things couples do, but are free to see other people as well and generally don’t look at each other as their girlfriend or boyfriend. This is more of an “understanding.” Some say that putting labels on relationships make it seem more awkward and stressful. Without the label they seem to get along better with each other because there is no tension, jealousy, insecurities that sometimes go along with the committed relationships they seem to fear. They want the relationship to only consist of fun times, so that’s all they take out of it. They seem rather simplistic and capricious, whats the point? What seems to be the most common is “random hook-ups.” Everyone knows what these are. I, myself, have never really understood them, but a lot of people seem to enjoy them, probably because there’s no form of connection other than physically. Some people don’t seem to want to get involved with anyone else, so they get what they want and move on, without all of the heartache and “bullshit” of regular relationships. It has always seemed empty and meaningless to me, but I guess that’s the whole point. I suppose there are other types of relationships, friendships… not knowing what you are, where you stand. There seems to be so many complexities involved… I guess no one has figured them all out yet, so why am I bothering trying to analyze the social/sexual systems of young adults? I guess I’m just confused as to why people choose one type over the other and how some relationships work out and others don’t. Actually… I’m not that interested. I just wish things were a little less complicated. I always thought it was cute in old TV shows, such as Happy Days, etc. when a guy liked a girl he would “pin” her or give her his letter jacket. It was straightforward and it was significant. That doesn’t seem to happen much anymore and that seems disappointing that the youth has lost their innocence in so many respects. I never really wanted a typical high school drama-filled relationship, so I tended to stay away from that scene all together. The college relationships I've been witnessing don't really seem much different except for being a bit more on the serious side. I've always wanted something to just work out, find the right person and see what comes out of it. I suppose you could say, I have found a person I can see myself with, someone I want to be with and who I look forward to be with. Although, I am not exactly sure what that "classifies" us as. I guess I'll just have to wait for an answer to come along, which I'm more than willing to do. It doesn't really need any added pressure right now. I'm content with exactly how things are and given the circumstances, I wouldn't change a thing. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 2nd, 2003|05:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Hi Fi and the Roadburners: "Get Up and Go" | ] |
The past week has been really hectic since it was my last week of classes. School pretty much took top priority. From Friday night-Wednesday morning all I did was homework. I've never spent that much time dedicated to homework and I hope that will be the first and last time. Even when I was done with all of my assignments I still didn't feel at all relieved because I still have 2 finals and a portfolio due next week. Danielle and I have a lunch date for thursday to study for the Psychology final. Everyone, including me, is terrified that they'll fail it. Tonight I have to go to a poetry reading for creative writing. I'm seeing Billy Collins read. In class we had one of his books and apparently my professor is obsessed with him and is stalking him, so I really hope she isn't there.
Last night I saw The Photon Torpedoes and Satan's Teardrops. It was a decent show. Satan's Teardrops were really enjoyable, their stage presence, music was all really good. They made the show worth it. They didn't have buttons though, so I couldn't pick one up for Brad, sorry again hun. The Photon Torpedoes on the other hand were somewhat dull. They talked about vaginas and women's underwear, nothing I haven't heard before. They seemed like they didn't want to be there and looked incredibly bored. It was as though someone held them at gunpoint to play the show. There weren't many people there and the people who were there most of them were drunk. Maybe they were just disappointed with the crowd and didn't feel the need to impress. Either way I was disappointed by them.
So, the summer is almost here and in a way I'm not looking forward to it. It will be long and hot, hopefully not too mundane. I'll be working mainly just to keep busy and have something to do not because I want to. Let's skip summer, I'm ready for the fall. |
|
|
| Pictures and a poem |
[Apr. 13th, 2003|11:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Clash: "Train in Vain" | ] |
My brother and me before his prom. Aww, I want to pinch his cheeks.
Him and his date
At Twilight
Security wraps itself around
glowing pieces of fulfillment
that lounge in the shapeless heavens
and create an invitation into the abyss
Counting the distance through
the jeweled Corona Borealis constellation
glorifying her for the world to see
love was proclaimed in the stars
A couple wistfully inspects
through their own eyes
the scientist’s discovery of tranquillity,
the artist’s rendition of perfection
A time when they can share themselves
lying silently in each other's arms
listening to harmonious heartbeats
and tasting sugary breaths |
|
|
| Pick myself up and get back in the race |
[Apr. 10th, 2003|08:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Sinners and Saints: "It's All Coming Down" | ] |
I slept from 8:30 last night to 9:30 this morning .... and I guess I needed it. I woke up in a bit of a better mood. I wasn't really looking forward to the day because I knew I had to stay at Regis until late for room draws. Went to Psychology, which was a total waste of time. We looked at optical illusions for a good portion of the class and then she let us out early. We also didn't get homework, yay, no essay. I think my prof is slacking. After we had time to kill and Nicole had errands to do so I went along. We picked up her check ... then went to the bank. I felt like an old person. We went out to eat and just laughed the whole time. She told me some semi-personal stuff, now I have a lot of things to tease her about. When we got back to Regis we had to wait another two hours. Then when it was time we had to wait to get a number. I got lucky and picked number 3 and Nicole got 64 or something ... so we got to go 3rd. We got the room we wanted, although now I don't really want it that much. I found out a girl I went to high school with is going to be about 4 doors down and she called me "neighbor." I hope she doesn't talk to me. She hardly does now, but since we'll be in the same building, same floor, I hope she doesn't use it as an opportunity to try to befriend me. I'm not interested in making new friends. I'm already finding it hard enough to keep the ones I have.
I think this week is starting to look up somewhat. A start of a few changes, could be a new beginning ... I have more to look forward to. I hope to find some contentment within myself as well. |
|
|
| When life is going well...... |
[Apr. 9th, 2003|08:34 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
Aforementioned apology for complaining so damn much. I hate to do it but ....
For about a month now, I've been in relatively good mood. This week has been the monkey wrench thrown in. I can deal with the total sleep deprivation (3 hours a night), but there, of course, has to be more going on. I've had the expected classes to go to and tests to take, which all seem so meaningless and unbearable as of lately. I have two group projects and no one does anything in them. For days I've been trying to get ahold of a social worker to interview for my class, but she hasn't called back and I feel like I am stalking her by calling her every day. Hopefully I'll get her to agree to an interview by Friday. My project is due Wednesday and I have nothing, I'm sure the other 2/3's of my group has nothing done as well. I can't stand a majority of the girls at Regis. Some seem so critical of each other, but they themselves are pristine. I woke up, had severe cramps .. I just had my period 2 weeks ago, now I have it again (not that anyone wants to know that, but .... again, so soon?). I've also had a headache that has been lingering for days, probably because I'm completely stressed out. I have a bunch of other (unstated)things on my mind that I probably shouldn't be worrying about, but I cant help it. I woke up early today to register for classes, of course the site wouldn't let me register because it has "maximum amount of logins." I had to wait, and therefore was waitlisted for one of my classes, Photography. Already this week I've had a few appointments and my arm is so sore and bruised from all the blood they took that I look like a crack addict. I'm not sure yet, but I may have more by the end of this week. My mom has been in Florida since Friday, I've been trying to get ahold of her too, she'd only called me once and during that time I was sleeping. I kind of miss her, strange how that works out. It's only Wednesday and I just want to cry. It is raining and murky out and I honestly don't want to be stuck in school for 8 hours. I'm skipping my creative writing class. It is just not worth going today. I don't feel well and I'm sure that class and Dr. Elliot will only further my frustations. At least if I can have one good thing happen to me today .....no creative writing class. My day sounds better already. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
fakekittytrash's journal
